I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
