How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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