you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
