So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
