Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
