you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
