Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
