Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
