It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
