i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
