Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
