she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
