I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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