yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
