i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
