I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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