i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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