my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
