she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Everything about him screamed your future.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
