Whod you bang
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What drink are we having for lunch?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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