even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
