Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
