4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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