i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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