i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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