Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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