May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
