Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
