i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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