your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
