Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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