Non-Jews are for practice
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
