You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
