I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
home. puking in laundry basket.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
