he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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