Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
