You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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