I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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