I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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