I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
