They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
