I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
