in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
