Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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