Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love having hate sex.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have aggressive nipples.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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