I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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