Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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