you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there's paper in my vomit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
