We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
