we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
