Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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