I didn't shave. On purpose
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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