screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
