I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
