Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
