Small penises have feelings too.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
