I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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