If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
