We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
As shirtless as possible
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
