do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
