Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
