So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
