My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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